In The Beginning

I have been working for a few months on a study through scripture looking for three main themes...

• God's Sovereignty
• God's Grace
• God's Glory

I have begun disecting the bible looking for these three themes and what better place to start than at the beginning. Honestly I haven't gotten very far on my study because I am discovering so many treasures just in the first few verses of scripture. In many ways the things I am unearthing are simple truths but for me they have changed the way I think and relate to God.

I'm not very good with words but I am going to do my best to express what the eyes of my heart have discovered on my journey through the scriptures. I would love to hear your comments as well.

In The Beginning

The first verse in the bible is so short and yet it says so much.

In the beginning God....

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Tell me if you have understanding.

Who set its measurements?

Since you know.

Or who stretched the line on it?

Job 38:4-5

Is not God in the height of heaven?

Look also at the distant starts, how high they are!

Job 22:12

Do you not know? Have you not heard?

Has it not been declared to you from the beginning?

Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth.

Isaiah 40:21

Can you discover the depths of God?

Can you discover the limits of the Almighty?

Job 11:7

The first verse in the bible sets the tone for the rests of scripture of God's sovereignty. He deeply establishes the fact that He WAS there, He IS here, and He is ALWAYS going to be. We can have security and certainty that He IS there for us no matter what we go through and He will ALWAYS be there, because He WAS there before time began.

I was blown away by God's sovereignty as I read and studied this first verse. His ultimate and complete control of the heavens of the earth and the fact that He was there before it all began. As I continued to read through the first verses of the bible I carried with me this amazing reality of God's sovereignty and control and I began to see His glory as well.

I have read the story of creation so many times over the years. I can easily quote to you the order of events and what was created first, second, third and so on, but as I dug deeper into the story, the magnitude of what actually accord during the creation of the world really gave me and overwhelming sense of awe.

Think about the order and complexity of creation. From the greatness and magnitude of the stars to the function of the tiniest cell, there is order and purpose for everything on earth and in the heavens. And there is a God who is intimately acquainted with the creation of it all.

You alone are the Lord,

You made the heavens,

The heaven of heavens with all their host.

The earth and all that is on it,

The seas and all that is in them.

You gave life to all of them

And the heavenly host bow down before you.

Nehemiah 9:6

He establishes the earth upon its foundation,

so that it will not move out of place forever and ever.

Psalms 104:5

WOW!!!

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand,

And marked off the heavens by the span,

And calculated the dust of the earth by the measure,

And weighed the mountains in a balance

And the hills in a pair of scales?

Isaiah 40:12-13

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Who set its measurements?... Or who stretched the line on it?

On what were its bases sunk?

Or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together

and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Or who enclosed the sea with doors, when bursting forth it went out from the womb;

When I made a cloud its garment and a think darkness its swaddling band,

And I placed boundaries on it and set a bolt and doors and I said,

"thus far you can come but no farther; and here shall your proud waves stop."

Job 38:4-10

We could take the time to study any given thing in nature and be amazed at how precisely it functions and how vital it is for life on earth. After reading this last verse I couldn't help but be intrigued with the oceans an the control that God has on them. I skimmed over a few articles about the function of oceans and barely tapped the surface of understanding it, yet the little reading that I did, left me in even more awe of the one who created the "seas and all that is in them." Water is a very powerful force, and the water on this earth makes up about 70% of its mass. Think about the volume of water that is on earth. Think about the power that the waves have as they tower over huge ships. Yet in all of its power, beauty and splendor, God has placed upon it boundaries and guidelines. Even over something as magnificent as the water that covers this earth, God is in control and he commands it to not go any farther than the boundary that HE has set. When we think about things like this how can we not help but be amazed!!

So far my study has brought me to a place of complete awe in who God is and how magnificent He is. His sovereignty and glory have taken on new meaning for me just by diving deeper into the first few verses in scripture. It has put a fresh fear of God into my heart as I see the magnitude of how glorious He is and how intimately he is acquainted with everything on earth. My faith and trust in God has deepened as I realize more than ever that He was, He is, and He is always going to be. He is all around me. As I walk out of my house and see the glory and beauty of nature I know that there is a God who is behind the creation of it all. As I look into the faces of my four beautiful kids, I know that there is a God who created each one of them. He was there before each one of them was born, He is here now, seeing every tear that falls and every smile that crosses their face, and He is always going to be there no matter what life may hold. How incredibly awesome and glorious our God is!!

Count It ALL As Loss

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing VALUE of KNOWING Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:7-8

The surpassing value of knowing Christ! Yet what is this value?

I took a minute this week to list many of the things I have lost in this last year and a half. The list included things like....

• my husband, love of my life, and best friend
• the primary bread winner of the family
• my home
• most of my earthly possesions
• the ability to stay home with my babies
• my dreams, since I was 12 years old, of church planting and being on the mission field
• my identity, who I was, my self worth

As I looked over this list I realized that all of these things were very valuable things to my heart - to my life. Sometimes it takes loosing something to really see its value. In so many ways I would give anything in the world to have some of these things on this list back.

And yet as I read Philippians 3:7-8 I can't help but see something that I never really saw before. Tonight it all became so real. For Christ we suffer the loss of ALL things and we count them all as rubbish. These things that I held in such value - they are nothing compared to the surpassing value of knowing Jesus. Sometimes it takes us loosing it all, in order to gain more of Jesus. Now that I have gone through the loss of many valuable things in my life, I think my heart can truly say that knowing Christ and gaining an even deeper and more intimate relationship with him, is worth far more than everything that I have lost. That is the value of knowing Him. It exceeds anything we might hold dear here on this earth.

All of us go through loss in one way or another. I challenge you to do what I did and make a list of the things you have really lost. I'm sure that for you, as they were for me, the things on your list will be very valuable things. As you look at your list - let it sink into your heart that all that you have lost doesn't even compare to the surpassing value of knowing Jesus.

I praise God for my loss, because it is through my loss, that I have gained more of Chirst!

A Contented Heart Is An Even Sea In The Midst Of All The Storms

Peace - tranquility, contentment, a heart that can be still before its savior.

Joy - a state of being, an inward delight found in resting in the arms of Jesus.

Trust - Reliance, hope, having a confident expectation of who God is and what He can do.

God has been opening my eyes to see that my peace, my joy, and my trust are all connected to one action of my heart - contentment. All too often I let my mind and heart dwell on the past, on what my life was, what I had, and how badly I want it back, or else I dwell on the future and how quickly can I change how things are now. There isn't any peace or joy when I dwell on those things and I quickly loose trust because I take my eyes off of Jesus and onto my circumstances. Yet when I make the conscious effort to embrace today for what it is - I find that my day, my thoughts, my life are full to overflowing with peace and joy.

As I am typing this it sounds so simple - so elementary - but I have never experienced life the way I do now. To be perfectly honest with you, the kids and I are probably in the midst of one of the toughest seasons right now. We are lonelier than we have ever been up to this point, financially things are very difficult, and when I look at my future I don't see the end of this dark, dark tunnel. And yet with learning to embrace every single day, I can honestly say that I truly smile at life. I am content with where we are and what we are doing. I have an incredible amount of peace and trust that God is completely in control of my life. I make the choice every morning - when I get up before the sun to get ready for work, get the kids all up, dressed, fed and out the door by 6:45 - to say, "God, today, I am a single mom of these four beautiful kids. Give me the strength I need today God to mother these kids and everything else I have to do. God, I trust that you have me and the kids in your hands and that you will work out our future, so I choose to rest in you today. God, let me be a light for you today as I go about my tasks. I want to bring you glory with all I do." And with that simple prayer I still and quiet my mind and focus, not on the past, not on the future, but on today. I can't tell you how contended I am when I embrace today. I can't begin to explain to you the peace and joy that floods my soul. It is like finding a hidden treasure in heaven!

Amazingly enough even the kids can see the results of choosing joy and contentment. They notice when we have bad weeks and good weeks and how it is connected to the attitudes of our hearts. I often talk to them about focusing on the blessings that God is giving us today. They are beginning to see the small blessings from God for themselves and often point them out to me. Sometimes they are as simple as "Mama look, God blessed us with a close parking spot into the store, so we don't have to walk very far." =) to things like "Mama God knew that we needed Joshua in this family because he brings us all so much joy when life has been so sad." By all of us just embracing today, we are finding the sadness in our life slowly fading away.

Although the journey I have been on has been incredibly hard and often times unbearable, I don't think I would trade it for anything. To be able to learn this lesson of embracing today and learning to find peace and joy even when the storm is still raging, is truly worth having to walk through the darkest nights of my soul.

Worse Than Lonely

What could be worse than loneliness? A heart that has been left empty. Feeling lonely can be somewhat manageable, but emptiness strips your heart of everything you once found joy in. It makes your heart feel like it has been left in a barren waste land. One could describe the emotions of an empty heart by describing a metro station. During rush hours the tunnel like corridors are filled with the crush of humanity. Everything is alive with movement and activity, but think of that same corridor when it is completely empty. Void of sound and life the emptiness can almost feel eerie.

Although I have been alone for well over a year now, I feel like my heart is still so void of life. On the outside I am moving on - trying to piece back together the shattered pieces of life, but on the inside my heart is still very much like that empty metro, void of sound and life. I know that the feeling of emptiness is a result of deep emotional pain and also part of the grieving process. I only wish it didn't have to take so long for a heart to stop loving and move on.

God gives me the strength to wake up each day and tackle the obstacles before me, but so often I feel like I am a lifeless being just functioning in an unknown world. I have felt so often lately that I just can't make it through this. I have never felt so alone in all my life, and almost daily I feel like the burdens of life are crushing me. I know that without the Lord in my life I would never have made it this far but often I wonder, when will it all become easier? When will it all make sense? How long will my heart feel so incredibly empty?

Enough for every purpose

The Lord never ceases to meet me in my times of greatest need. Last night was one of these moments. For the third time in the past week I fell to my knees in a puddle of tears, after I put the kids to bed. I implored God, begging to Him earnestly, to remove this burden from me. The burden of raising these kids alone.

"God", I cried," I can't do this any longer. Please remove this cup from me."

Three times I have cried to God for this and last night he answered me. He led me to 2 Corinthians 12:8-9, which says...

"Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He said to me, 'My Grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

This was my answer. His Grace. It is all I need. It is enough and adequate for the purpose. To raise these kids on my own all I need is His grace and the understanding that it is Him working through me. I must allow myself to be weak, so that He can fill me and be all that I need for everything.

I CAN DO MOST GOOD WHEN I AM IN MY WEAKEST MOMENTS

Whatever You Are Doing Inside of Me

2010 is here and with it many emotions. The past year has been a year full of ups and downs, and although I feel like I am on the road to healing, I also feel like there is still so much for God to do inside of me. The words to this song express so much of where my heart is right now on my journey with God. I honestly don't know the title to the song but the words express it all....

"It's time for healing, time to move on, it's time to fix what's been broken too long

time to make right what's been made wrong, it's time to find my way to where I belong.

There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like caos but somehow there's peace.

And it's time to surrender to what I can't see.

And I'm giving in to something happening.

Time for a milestone, time to begin again, reevaluate who I am really am. Am I doing everything to follow your will or just climbing aimlessly over these hills.

So show me what it is you want from me. I give everything. I surrender.

Whatever your doing inside of me. It feels like caos but I believe...

Your up to something bigger than me.

Whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like caos but now I can see....

This is something bigger than me. Larger than life. Something heavenly.

What a beautiful way to put what my heart is feeling now. I feel a peace that whatever He is doing inside of me is exactly what needs to be done. It is bigger than me. It is something heavenly. For a greater purpose than I may ever know.

Joshua David - My sweet little boy

Finally on the 17th of February, my baby was born. It was a moment I had been waiting for. A moment full of both sorrow and joy. The birth of Joshua was much harder than I had ever expected. The emotions of having him alone were overwhelming to me and there were moments that I didn't know if I had the physical or mental strength to make it to the end. But somehow God gave me what I needed. It still wasn't easy but seldom in this life is. However, even through our toughest moments - He gets us through. He gives us the strength and the grace we need to walk each and every road we come to. 

Joshua was a glorious surprise! I expected a bald little 5 pound girl. What God gave me was the most precious little boy with a head full of hair and an amazing 7 lbs. 14 oz. When God creates a surprise He holds nothing back! I feel that God wanted to bless me with the joy of this surprise so he kept Joshua hidden and let me have the surprise of him being a boy. Since the moment he was born, Joshua has been such a delight to me.  A little bundle of joy in my world of sorrow. I praise God everyday for giving me Joshua. He truly is a blessing sent from heaven. 

Thank-you everyone for all your prayers. Joshua is a living example of the power of prayer and the amazing hand of God. Thank-you. 

I put together some pictures of Joshua so you can see them. Go to this website and watch the video. I hope you all enjoy it. 

www.shwup.com/album/joshua_david_walton